Sorrowful - 04/07/24

 There are many emotions. And often, the reasons for these emotions are not very clear. A certain sorrow lingers in the background, which makes itself evident especially in the morning. A feeling of vulnerability, weakness and a sense of doom pervades me. 

This feeling was only accentuated by an intense drowsiness today. Following my meditation, I grabbed a coffee and there was a slight improvement in the internal weather. But the feeling has returned. 

Sorrow. What have I to offer you, that you have come to visit me? I have everything in life that a man can ask for, or at least most things that anyone could ask for. Such a person you should not visit upon. Or is it that everyone has to host you for a few days? Or, is there something you can see that I cannot? 

The condition of the body is a key ingredient in all mental experiences. And through this week, I have had minimal exercise, which perhaps substantiates the mood. 

I have also found it hard to meditate. Meditation is something in which growth needs very high levels of persistence. One must meditate daily and that means daily. You loose a day and you lose whatever gains you made in concentration. A single lapse in your routine, and you are back to square one. It's snake and ladders on steroids. Emotions, memories are strong forces. To not be overwhelmed, to not be perturbed, to not take them personally, and instead watch them as events, irrelevant to you, is not easy. 

God I surrender my emotions to you. This perhaps means nothing. But I refuse to be burdened by these emotions, may they be of joy or sorrow. These emotions are not me, nor are they mine, for nothing is mine. I am a witness to these emotions. And whatever be their reason, I pray God may provide the necessary strength to overcome them.