09/06 - In Pain

A man's mistakes are proportional to his ignorance. 

A man's will power is proportional to his desire. His desire is proportional to his pain. His pain proportional to his sensitivity. 

My practice has been compromised lately, by a lack of focus on timely sleep. Thereafter, too much of my time in the mornings have been taken up in necessary rituals. Both of these, have combined to take away my time for meditation. These are no alibis, but an indication of the lack of desire or rather the wavering nature of desire. Desire, is unreliable. Then where will will-power come from? 

I am pained very much by my thoughts. How much they wander. Especially in my sleep. Also pained by so much desire, always seeking something, to fill a void that can never be filled. This life is very small, this ego is very small and the events of our life will never fully fill any void inside us. Yet the mind seeks, the heart seeks for more. More excitement, longing for a past, wanting the events in the future to happen as soon as possible. 

All this pain has an important role to play. Hopefully, this pain will seep in, sink in and cause the birth of greater determination, attention. Consistent practice lies at the heart of all change, growth. 

God may I surrender to thee. I am yours. Make me thine. In every thought, utterance and action, can I be soaked in thy sweetness? Please?